I have had an update in draft and been meaning to get back to my blog for many many months. But I finally just have to get this out there somewhere, and this feels as safe as any place since no one reads it anyway :P When will I find MY "tribe"? When will I ever find MY purpose and job? Who am *I* supposed to be? Yes I am a mother and love my children. I love being at home....but I also need to work and supplement income. I love being the wife of a youth minister, and helping w/ all manner of youth ministry, but still never feel like I fit in. I am a homeschooling mom, but so many years I have been floundering and trying to figure out which direction to go. And....I don't fit in anywhere :( I am left out, my children are left out and it hurts. I don't know what to do about it. I have been searching for one good friend my whole adult life, beyond my best friend, my hubby. I mean, a girlfriend with common enough interests to bind us and to be able to talk even with chaos in the background and to drop by and hang out at various times of the week or month or heck, even year. So of course, I mean "IRL" or locally. Because I have a myriad of wonderful ladies "online" who've been there for me for years. And maybe that's why I didn't push too hard years ago to get out and go make friends. But in every "group" I am ever a part of, I am the outsider. Outside of the inside jokes, left out of invitations, and just....left wondering what is it about me or my family? Why? Or why not us? Are we too busy and just turned down one too many previous invitations? Were we too loud or unruly? Is it because of our ties in ministry? Am I too hippie? Or not hippie enough? I just don't know. But it feels like my years of public education all over again. And I don't want that for my very outgoing children. :( If there is anyone reading this, could you say a little prayer for me. Thanks.